Parenting for Beginners

One of the first questions parents have about feeding their baby solids is how to know when baby is ready. There is no exact rule regarding age or development as far as a time to start your baby on solid foods. There are some signs you can look for to help you know if your baby is ready.

Many babies around 3 to 4 months old will start showing signs that they want something a little more than their formula or breast milk. She may wake up more at night, be more fussy or irritable during the day or cry after feedings for more. Many parents then start thinking their baby is ready for solid foods.

The problem is that if you introduce solid foods too much and too soon, it can create food allergies in your child. A common mistake that many parents make is in thinking baby is ready for solids when really they are just going through a growth spurt. It’s normal for a baby to have a growth spurt around 3 to 4 months of age. During periods of growth spurts, your baby will need more to eat.

This doesn’t mean your baby needs solids just eat, but just that she needs extra formula or breast feedings. You can try offering your baby an extra feeding or two or a little extra (couple ounces) more with each feeding. In a week or two, you will usually find the growth spurt has passed and your baby’s feedings will go back to normal.

Some signs that your baby is ready for solid foods are the ability to sit upright and hold head up without support, loss of the tongue-thrust reflex, tells you with facial and body expressions when she is full and interest in your food or when other family members are eating. Usually a baby is ready for solid foods when they have doubled their birth rate.

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Do you have a fussy eater? That will just test your patience to the limit as you try to give them the best nutrients each mealtime.

The Daily Battle:

How many times have you tried to feed your baby/toddler something that s/he did not want to eat?

Do you keep trying to get your child to eat something even after s/he says ‘no’ or pushes the food away?

If you answered ‘yes’ to one or both of these questions, join the club: you are one of the many new (and long time) moms who want their babies and/or toddlers to eat nutritious meals that will keep them healthy and strong. Yet studies show that persisting in trying to feed your child something that s/he does not want has the opposite effect:

Your child is less likely to eat the food over which the struggle takes place.

What’s a mom to do?

Follow these 5 steps to support your baby in creating a healthy relationship to both food and his/her body:

1. End all food related power struggles:

If your child says no to peas after you’ve offered it to him/her a couple of times in one sitting, stop pushing the peas. Try again a couple of days later; babies are notorious for changing their minds.

2. Give new foods to your child again and again:

Experts suggest that you give your child a new food at least 15 times before you decide that your child does not like it; but don’t offer the food 15 times in one sitting.

If your baby says no, no it is!

3. Do not try to get your child either to eat more once s/he signals that s/he is done, or to eat less when s/he signals her hunger:

Your child needs to learn to trust his/her body. If you second-guess your child’s feelings of hunger or fullness, s/he will have difficulty determining when s/he’s hungry or full.

4. Let your child feed him/herself as soon as s/he’s ready:

Most babies can begin to put food into their own mouths at 8 months, meaning that 8 months is a good time to start encouraging your child to eat on his/her own. Doing so will help you to know what your child wants and does not want to eat. When babies feed themselves, it also helps them to feel in control of their bodies and intake (8-month-old babies can eat VERY soft finger foods, like mushy bananas, carrots and zucchini.)

5. Come to terms with your own food and control issues:

Many new moms with whom I speak find that their own issues with foods and control affect how they think, and deal with, their babies’ consumption of food. If you have a history of dieting, eating disorders, body image problems, or feeling the need to be in control, answer the following questions to support your baby’s healthy relationship with food and with him/herself:

How to create a boundary between your baby’s food and the issues with which you struggle:

Ask yourself:

A) Who am I making this food choice for?

Moms sometimes believe that what’s good for the mom is good for the baby.

For example: If you find that a low carbohydrate diet works well for you because it cuts down on your carbohydrate intake / sugar cravings (and therefore keeps your weight down), that does not mean that your baby should stay away from carbohydrates. Your baby and you have different dietary needs. Only shift your child’s diet with medical supervision and experiential ‘proof’ of negative reactions to specific foods (e.g., allergies, hyperactivity after sugar, etc.)

B) Why am I trying so hard to get my child to eat this particular item?

Chances are that you feel anxious about your child not eating enough or not eating the right things. If this is the case, check with your baby’s pediatrician. If the doctor says that everything is fine, stop pushing food on your child (and if it’s not, seek help: pushing food on an already resistant eater will make your baby even more resistant to your attempts. Your child may be struggling with a physiological or psychological issue that prevents him/her from eating enough (e.g., reflux)).

C) Am I anxious about my child being over- or underweight?

If you are, your feelings may stem from your own history, not your current experiences and struggles with your child.

For example: My client, Jane, worried from the time her daughter, Amanda, was 4 months old that Amanda was going to be overweight. Amanda’s normal and necessary baby fat filled her mother with fear. Every time Jane fed her baby, she would try not to let her eat ‘too much’.

If Jane continued on this path, Amanda would have inevitably picked-up on her mother’s anxiety about her weight and her intake of food.

Jane knew that she was not sane around food because of her own childhood weight struggles. When she realized that she was obsessing about whether or not it was okay to give Amanda (now 2½) ice cream after lunch, she decided to get help. Jane was told that it was fine for Amanda to eat ice cream every so often. Indeed, if Jane denied Amanda ice cream, Amanda would be more likely to feel deprived. Feelings of deprivation often lead children to crave and to overeat the forbidden food.

D) Can I do this alone?

If in doubt about whether you are creating a healthy eating environment for your baby, seek a consultation with a child psychologist or pediatric food specialist. A specialist can help you to determine the best food choices and feeding strategies for your child.

REMEMBER:

The healthy relationship with food that you help your baby to create now will have two important results: it will contribute to your child’s future physical health and well-being, and it will improve your day to day relationship with your child.

Written by Claudia Heilbrunn
Copyright 2009, Claudia Heilbrunn, Significant Self

Claudia Heilbrunn is a life coach for moms with young children and a parenting expert. She helps moms who feel frazzled and confused become calm and confident mothers who make the right choices for their kids. Claudia is the owner of Significant Self Coaching, a company dedicated to helping new moms to hold on to themselves without shortchanging their kids. Claudia writes a free bi-monthly ezine, My Significant Self, which offers solutions to the top challenges faced by new moms. Visit her website at http://www.significantself.com or contact Claudia at claudia@significantself.com or 212-222-4394